I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
