I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
