I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
