Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
