i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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