She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
