Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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