The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
