the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
