I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
