The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
