its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
