i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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