I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
