Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
