you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
