ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
