You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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