Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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