We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
