come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
