wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
