he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
