I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize