Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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