I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I intend to get homeless drunk
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
