I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
