so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
