At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
