dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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