i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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