Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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