ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm having to shit out rocks
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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