So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
