Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
