i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
