He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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