No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
