Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize