we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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