There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
