I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
