we have officially lost it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
