so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
