the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
