i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
