When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
