some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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