is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
