She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
