My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found puke in my bra..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
