i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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