she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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