It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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