Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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