Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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