i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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