I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
