If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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