like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize