We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
