is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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