she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
