I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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