that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
