I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
