Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
