I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize