i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
