You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Found the puke drawer
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
