dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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