I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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